Judge John Hodgman on the Whistle Wars

Emily writes: Whenever I start whistling, my husband will immediately begin whistling a different tune. I always have to stop! He says he just wants to join in, but always thinks of something else he’d rather whistle. Please order him to refrain from this habit.

I used to be on TV sometimes. Working on set is amazing, as you get to see so many hypercompetent crew members work efficiently and without ego, all to compensate for the on-camera talent, who exist solely to mess it up. One rule I learned on set was about whistling, which I did constantly between takes, until the boom-mic operator whispered this powerful truth in my ear: “The only person who enjoys the sound of whistling is the whistler.” I think your husband is lying. I think he is punishing you, justly. On behalf of boom-mic operators everywhere, I applaud his revenge.

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